My First Dad...

For some reason, I have been taking short trips down memory lane lately. I imagine that the combination of recent deaths in my family and the fact that Sunday is FATHER'S DAY, I felt like posting some memories of my [biological] dad.

Events happened later in my life (like my parents' divorce, loss of my dad's presence in our home, the fact that he hid from the family so he wouldn't have to pay child support, and most importantly his mental illness) that affect the way I think of him these days, but it hasn't always been that way. I used to refer to him with the affectionate term "DAD" until a year or so before his death when he turned into a person that I barely recognized and by then I didn't feel like he deserved to be called something so sweet.

But despite all that, TODAY I want to remember the GOOD things so I feel like referring to him as "DAD" in this post -- I almost feel guilty thinking this way because my step dad is really the person who deserves to be called "DAD" these days. TODAY I don't want the memories of disappointment to overshadow the way I felt back then...


THESE ARE SOME OF MY DAD'S CHARACTERISTICS THAT HELPED TO CREATE THE PERSON THAT I AM TODAY:
1.
My dad was the ORIGINAL computer geek. He was a computer geek before the rest of the world really knew what computers were back in the late 1960s and 70s. He LOVED gadgets. He CRAVED new technology and whether my parents had the money in the budget for it or not, he BOUGHT the gadgets that he was interested in. His FAVORITE store was RADIO SHACK. I remember that he didn't really like to shop but somehow, some way we always ended up at the local Radio Shack. My dad had BOXES of COMPUTER paraphernalia around the house; things like old computer punch cards, dot-matrix computer paper, cords, floppy discs and CDs of every conceivable size and shape, computer programs and the corresponding books to teach himself how to run those programs, equipment, et cetera. He was too "cheap" to buy actual furniture, so there were always homemade tables from plywood, crates and plastic tubes to hold his equipment -- and everything was usually in disarray.

Well, I am not a RADIO SHACK geek, but I do like going to the electronic stores because if there is a new GADGET that I think would bring joy to my life I always make sure to check it out if not buy the product when or IF I can and I LOVE teaching myself how to use this new equipment.

2.
Something else about my dad (that is similar to me) is the fact that he would LATCH onto a HOBBY and take it to the EXTREME.

The first OBSESSION that I remember was/were his TOOLS. He spent a lot of money on tools of every size and shape imaginable. He even had an EYE for tools on the side of the road. There were numerous times that my dad would pull off the road or highway, back the car up despite the distance or danger, get out and walk over to pick up a tool that someone else lost. There was one time that he (or someone else in the family) left a socket wrench set on top of the car and when he started to accelerate onto I-15 from the local on ramp, the tools slipped off the car and spread out EVERYWHERE. For many months after that episode, he would stop the car to get out and search for those lost sockets (despite the fact that he probably had five similar sets at home). My family moved A LOT and OFTEN when I was younger and no matter where we went and the fact that he no longer had to make a living with his tools, he dragged those DANG things all over the country to my mother's lament. When he died, I made sure that one of his older, well-used wrenches made it into his hands before he was buried. We even designed his headstone to resemble a Sears CRAFTSMAN wrench because that was his favorite brand... To this day, I can't help but (jokingly) ask my husband if he wants to stop and pick up a tool I see on the side of the road.

GOLF. That word alone deserves to be in its own sentence when used in conjunction with my dad. I can remember from a very early age (about seven or eight) when my dad took my brother and me golfing. I only lasted a couple of holes and numerous broken tees, grass rivets and hits, but the side trips that my dad would let us take on the golf course were FUN! I believe that we were living in South Carolina at the time -- the golf course that my dad frequented was so pretty. It was green and lush and the sand pits and ponds were so fascinating to me. My dad made a special tool to fish for golf balls in the ponds and he usually let us do that (I'm sure it was partly to get us out of his "hair" but mainly because he was too cheap to buy his own). We not only had the chance to fish for golf balls, we fished for baby turtles [which I thought was SUPER COOL]. My dad always let me be the one to wash the golf balls in the ball washers, which was also something that I looked forward to. Every now and then, he would rent a golf cart and let us drive it. I'm sure he did that so he could enjoy his game and not have to listen to me whine about when we were going to leave or how tired I was or "how many more minutes?". I loved when he would take us into the clubhouse to buy treats; one time he bought sodas and after a few swigs of his grape drink he got this unforgettable look of disgust/horror on his face -- he had swallowed a fly! Later on (that year) my dad got into making his own golf clubs out of old ones. He even made a super short set of clubs for me and purchased my very own golf bag that had a hanging towel that matched his. (That towel came in handy for drying the golf balls that my brother and I scooped out of the pond.) To this day, I always remember how fascinated I was when he yelled, "FORE!" to other players on the course. (That is probably the only golf term I actually remember...)

Another habit/hobby that my dad had was his joy of MUSIC. It didn't matter where he went or what he was doing, my dad had the radio -- or stereo -- or 8 Track Tape Player -- on. When he died I inherited quite a collection of old country music. (Not necessarily my taste in music, but it is fun to plug one in every now and then and listen to the oldies but goodies like Johnny Cash, Gordon Lightfoot, or George Strait.) Later in his life, he took his love of music to a new dimension and got involved in country dancing. (I'm sure this was also due to his desire to have a connection with people because he was so lonely.)

3.
My dad liked to TINKER. He was always working on things -- whether it was the car engine, or building make-shift trailers to haul his tools in, or designing/welding special lifts to take the car engine out, or taking old golf clubs and turning them into something he could use, or using his solder iron to piece together something for his computer(s), or even taking old computer parts and turning them into something new...

In a way, I like to tinker with things too; it's just that my interests lie in other sources, like making silver bracelets, working on organizing my digital pictures or other collections.

4.
My dad liked to EAT. We usually went to a buffet; a place where he could pile his food high and then go back for more. He loved the foods that were HIGH in SALT and FAT, which eventually led to his early demise. He enjoyed washing it all down with a large glass (or two) of limeade.

Unfortunately, I like to eat, too -- but thankfully not as much as my dad. Through his example, I choose to leave the salt shaker on the table. I know that if I don't lay off the other stuff, my health will be seriously affected, too. This past year has been somewhat of a wake-up call for me due to health issues most likely caused by stress.

5.
I almost feel GUILTY for adding this next point, but my dad was a LITTER BUG. I remember NUMEROUS times where he would roll his window down (yes, I did say ROLL -- not push a button to lower his window) and throw his trash on the ground. I remember how HORRIFIED I was whenever he did that! So, THESE DAYS I am super paranoid about picking up any trash that I may have inadvertently put on the ground because I don't want my family to be ashamed of me in the same way. I taught my kids at an early age that "ONLY PIGS LITTER."

6.
My dad was a night owl. Coincidentally, my mom was too. Enough said -- I am just like them in that regard. I get VERY LITTLE sleep.


There are so many other memories that I have swimming around in my mind but I can't type them fast enough. I will end this by saying how much I miss the early days of my life with my dad. He truly was a good and generous man who had a good heart. He couldn't help the fact that he had a challenged youth due to abuse that he suffered at the hand of his stepfather and mother, not to mention the mental abuse that his own father dished out. Knowing that, I guess he had an excuse for acting the way he did at times. It just doesn't make it any easier or better.