Pepper's Last Day :(

Today is the last day we will spend with our sweet, loving, old dog, Pepper. After months of deliberation, I made the appointment with our local veterinarian to "put her to sleep". I feel an extreme amount of guilt with this decision, but it is something that needs to be done in the name of being humane.

Pepper has a cancerous growth on her lowest teat. I took her to the vet for the diagnosis about three years ago. He told me at the time that it wouldn't hurt her as it grew. I sincerely hoped and prayed that nature would run its course and that she would die from natural causes. As time went on, it didn't happen but the teat has grown bigger and bigger. I discussed her situation with a couple of different veterinarians and the consensus was that it would probably do more harm than good to put an 11-year-old dog through surgery to have it removed. I agreed... The tumor is now the size of large cantaloupe and it is almost touching the ground. It rubs on things, such as the step to her dog house, and she is constantly scratching it and making it bleed.

I have asked just about everyone that I know and respect about their opinions of putting an animal to sleep verses letting it die from natural causes (in a situation like this). Everyone says that we should put her to sleep; that it is the most "humane" way instead of letting her suffer. One friend, whom I have a great amount of respect for, told me that an animal has its way of letting us "know" when the time is right. I have tried to keep a close eye on Pepper these last few years and I haven't really noticed any signs; she hasn't really seemed to experience any pain. However, about a month ago she and I had a little "chat" and I had a strong feeling that she was telling me it was time. All she does is "huff" and she doesn't seem to be eating as well as she used to. When I got the shedding tool out, I noticed that she snapped at me whenever I ran the tool over her legs -- anywhere near the area that carries the tumor -- and that was the first time I have ever noticed that she has experienced any pain.

All I can say is that I am going to miss my little PepperBelly. I am going to miss barking at each other whenever I come home -- (she, "bark bark"; me, "shut up"). I am going to miss scratching her and having her turn her body into mine so I can get the 'right' spot... It is going to be quiet around here; no, wait, it won't be because of the other three dogs, but it won't be the same.

I found a quote on the Internet by a veterinarian named Dr. TJ Dunn, Jr. that sums up how I feel: "During a single human lifetime a number of pet lifetimes may pass, and as we recall each pet that shared our time, it seems that they never stayed with us quite long enough." That is true of Pepper -- she didn't stay with us long enough.

I'm hoping that in our afterlife we will get to spend time with the pets and people that we cherished. In the meantime, I hope my dad will welcome her with open arms tomorrow morning...